MarrissaTheWriter Second Anniversary “Reading”, Part One

When time came to post this I thought I had lost it. Guess I didn’t.

By today, the first chapter of ITS MY LIFE! has been posted for two years. I could say how it grew from nothing into something of My Immortal proportions, but here, look at this instead. I circled every character that appears in the first chapter of ITS MY LIFE! in MarissaTheWriter Family Tree. (I actually didn’t, but I can tell you who appears in this chapter. It is Marrissa, Chell, Glados, Altas and P-Boy, Averil Lovonde, Companon Coob and Wheatly.)

So it’s been expanding outwards, right?

Nah, the point is look at how many people I circled, and how many are there.

That is the legacy Marrissa has left behind.

Well, with that gotten out of the way, let’s begin.

Well, with that gotten out of the way, let’s begin.

AN: Hi guyz this is my first story its what I think happens iin Portla 3!

The first one, among many others. Some of which I wrote myself.

Also, over here in the future, Portal 3 didn’t become a reality. Sorry. That’s how Valve works.



Hi my name ish Marissa Roberts and I was doing tests with that other gurl Chell but she escaped. Glados had captured me in the science lab places and made me do bad tests. There was no thing fun bout thetests an Glaods would never let me sleep or eat or bathroom or any thing.

Let’s see. So we are introduced to our main heroine, Marissa Roberts, who looks like an ordinary test subject in Aperture Science after the time of Portal 2, perhaps one of the flipping vegetables that GLaDOS revived, and either she has been kept for so long or she is brain-damaged so she has forgotten the name “Aperture Science”, as well as how to spell 100% properly. Her spelling is still at 90%, which is good enough and native speakers of English in the Internet do that. There is no way that could be blown out of proportion. No- oh wait she is going to battle GLaDOS, posing as President Coriolanus Snow, atop the facility which will be flying, in a chapter with virtually no correctly spelled words, and her distant descendant, who vaguely resembles Jane Crocker from Homestuck, is going to be goddamn proud.



Also, GLaDOS’s tests aren’t bad. They’re challenging.

“FOR THE NEXT TEST YUO WILL WORK WITH ROBOTS!” Glados screemed to me. Some robots came out of weird tubes and looked at me and I looked at them.

That sure is some mutual respect.

The robos were one a blue ball an the other was a orange line thing.

Best description ever in the history of fanfiction. Nuff said.

“THERE NAMES ARE ALTAS AN P-BOY NOW LEAF ME ALONE IM SAD.” Then Glados started to listen to some Avril Lavinge music and cry.

Thank you very much. I had already forgotten her name wasn’t “Averil Lovonde”.

Ever sinse she realized she was a humon before she became a goth emo and was always gettin on my nerves.

First of all, goth and emo are two different subcultures, and also they can’t really “get on people’s nerves” if they never see them. Also, a computer can’t be a human under any circumstances.

“Hi b**** we are here to test you.” Atlas shrugged (GET IT IT’S A MOVIE!). I was shocked at the bad words and glared to Altas. P-Bod was just starin’ at my bobs so I kicked him his robot place.

MarrissaTheWriter actually uses apostrophes properly.

Also, just as in our biggest fears, Atlas Shrugged actually got a sequel.

That made him angry so he shot a portal at me and made me fall into it over and over and P-Boy and Altas were lolling at me. Altas took out some drugs and he an P-Boy STARTED TO SMOKE them. I was fedup with all of portal labs and jumped from teh portals. I ladled onto my lung fall boots and glared mean at Altas and P-Boy.

Smoking robots. Lolling. Portal Labs. Lung fall boots. P-Boy.

Just that sounds make me think this is some sort of a classic.

Also, for MarissaTheWriter standards, that was a fairly coherent paragraph. To count the spelling mistakes, there is “lolling”, “fedup”, “teh”, “ladled”, “lung” and the character names “Altas” and “P-Boy”, which makes the fanfic look like the edited version of Post-SCrash Session.

I was soooooooo mad at those jerks for portalling me an calling me a b**** (AN not even gonna say that word LOL) so I portaled them too and I saw how they like it they didant.

Again, Marrissa and the robots are in some sort of a strange mutual respect.

That or the author wasn’t particularly creative.

Altas angered at me an P-Boy said “You broked are drugs now you will pay!” Ann he punched me right in the face! I started cryin from the pain and those jerks just lolled at me an tried to beat me up some more with there portal gunz.

How do you even beat someone up with a portal gun? Oh, wait, the pain from a pure metal hand was enough.

Sereal ours later I was cryin in a pool of blood while THOSE JERK ROBTS did more drugs and drank beer an past out. All I wanted was my companion coob to comfort me but Glados was makin it do other tests an we didn’t see eachother in moths.

Finally background information. So Marrissa has had a companion cube and was in the “Portal Labs” place for months, and the fic so far has been going on for hours, and we’re definitely not going to deal with longer time periods, or time travel.

Except we suddenly have things like Portal High School, starring Principal Business Man and Teen Fortress 2, centuries before, and Critics United, starring Candacension Pixies and Wantagruel Vasebreaker, centuries later, and people casually travelling between the three epochs, as well as a parallel universe.

But most off all I wanted Wheetly. He was the only nice robot I ever met an he had a super sexay British aksent, but Glados body turned him evil an he got shot in space by Chell. I rubbed my stomach and rembered my secret. Noone knows this, but Wheetly an I shared one secret night together an now I could tell I was pregnant with his robot ball/human baby.

WHAT. IS THIS REALLY MARRISSATHEWRITER. THAT IS TOO WELL-WRITTEN TO BE MA-oh wait My Immortal also started insignificantly with only the author notes written in goffikspeak, while everything else was correct.

Speaking of which, that is the precise thing which, in my eyes, makes My Immortal a trollfic. The goffikspeak was actually sketched out from the very beginning, and the fic just casually descended from proper English to a destination clearly known to the author(s), while losing any sort of plot or characterization.

Also, the whole robot ball/human baby thing is also among the classics.

There was a window above me an I looked out an saw the moon where Wheetly was. I missed him so much like a guy I missed a bunch.

I wonder who was this guy, who Marrissa implies was her real boyfriend. And also who wrote mean things on her Facebook page, but knowing the whole Marrissa identity was fabricated the answer is “no one”.

Tears droped down my face so Altas an P=boy started lolling at me again an calling me names like “Fat Uguly B****!” I stared rite at their lauffin’ feces and said my first words!

Gee, I sure wonder what they could be!

Except they already are “Hi my name ish Marissa Roberts…”

Speaking of which, even when Insane Guy of DOOM revealed himself as the guy behind this, I still kind of thought his real name was Martin Roberts. I actually don’t know what it is, so feel free to correct me.

“OMFG YOU GUYZ ARE SOOOOOOO RUDE I HATE YOU!” An I ranned off holdin my portol gun in one hand an holding nothing in my other hand because it was empty. My hare was streaming behind me an all the robots were saying how pretty an hot I was so I yelled at them too an said a lot of cusses so they stopped yellin at me.

Was it the Con Air bunny? Funnily enough, at the same time he/she/it is a “hare” and one of the “robots”.

“Why cant I jus be a normal girl going to high school an have a boyfriend that isn’t space lost!”

Because you are a Mary Sue of a world-class trollfic, that’s why.

I cried an hugged the place were the baby was going to be was.

There was a strange noise coming from the necks room and I looked in a saw…. Glados was cutting herself! “CHELL IM SOOOOOO SORRY I NEVER TOLD YOU YOR SISTER’S NAME IS REALLY MARISSA ROBERTS AN SHE HAVE SPESHUL POWERS AN CAN SAVE THE WORLD IF SHE BELEEVES!” Then robot blood started goin everwhere and I realized that….. Glados had sewisided!111!1!

Re: what I said about the whole Marrissa fighting GLaDOS posing as Snow deal.

It was actually foreshadowed in chapter 1 of ITS MY LIFE! that Marrissa is going to save the world.


And that is the end of Chapter 1. I wonder if I should do Chapter 2. I won’t do it unless there are any comments.

2 thoughts on “MarrissaTheWriter Second Anniversary “Reading”, Part One

  1. My name is not even close to Marrissa Roberts, actually. “Marrissa” is a reference to the Marissa Picard stories (which at the time I also had confused with the Lt. Mary Sue stories) and Roberts is the surname of one of my close friends.

    • Thank you very much for enlightening me. Now excuse me while I continue to write Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host.

      (Also it just so happens that my real life name begins with an M and ends with an S, and that I had made a friend on the Internet with the last name Roberts.)

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